10 commandments of successful social climbing

From: http://www.bizjournals.com/

Ever watch any of the Bravo reality series ” The Real Housewives of New York”?

It would be difficult for anyone outside the Forbes 400 to live that kind of lifestyle. However, in your social circle there are plenty of people who compete fiercely to “keep up with the Joneses.”

You make a good living. You socialize with your peers. How do you play the game?

Those “real housewives”

Suppose you were to describe the The Real Housewives of New York series to a friend from overseas. FYI: If they lived in Greece, Canada, the UK, Australia or New Zealand it wouldn’t be a problem. These counties have their own spinoffs.

Your description might be: “There’s a group of seven women. Most own businesses connected to fashion or consumer products, usually branded under their own name. Some have ghostwritten books. It appears they hardly ever work, or only for a few minutes at a time.

“They live in expensive Manhattan apartments. Some have second homes in the Hamptons or the Berkshires. They have personal assistants and staff. They go out for lunch, cocktails and dinner constantly. They wear designer clothing and they fight a lot.”

This lifestyle is unaffordable by normal human beings.

The 10 commandments of keeping up with the Joneses

Let’s assume you live in a nice neighborhood and your friends are doing well for themselves too. You have young children enrolled in the local school. You own or lease a late model car. Your friends include the art snob, the wine snob, the car snob and the compulsive shopper.

1. I am my own person; the people around me do not pay my mortgage

Friends buy stuff. They take exotic vacations. They tell you how fabulous it was and how you and your spouse must try it. You feel you will look cheap or poor if you don’t act on their suggestions.

Be a leader, not a follower. Don’t let other people tell you how to spend your money. Discover your own cool things to do. Soon they will be copying you.

2. Thou shalt not blab to everyone about the good deal you got

They own designer gear. You found the same bag in a consignment shop. You got a great deal. Now you have the same designer gear as them. Keep the details to yourself.

You are in the same league. Once you mention discounted prices or great deals, it diminishes your accomplishment in their eyes. Have the gear to entertain well. Let them think you paid full price.

3. Remember to keep holy the Lord’s day

You are involved in your religious institution for all the right reasons. Attending services is also a great way to de-stress. However, it’s also a community organization where everyone is treated equally.

You are meeting all your neighbors on a level playing field. People make friendships and social connections based on shared beliefs, not the prestige of their home address.

4. Honor thy friends from long ago

You are not an opportunistic social climber, casting off old friends because they don’t fit with your aspirational lifestyle. Having friends from all walks of life and all ages is something successful entrepreneurs do frequently. They want to know how the next generation thinks and makes buying decisions.

Keeping up with old friends reduces the pressure to fit in with your new ones.

5. Thou shalt not kill thy credit rating

Don’t go into debt funding a lavish lifestyle to look good in the eyes of your social circle. In a world where 1 percent interest rates are a great return on savings, 16 percent interest rates on credit cards are a killer.

Use extra cash to reduce debt, not show up your neighbors.

6. Thou shalt not hire servants

It’s common for people to talk about their gardeners, landscapers and the people who clean their homes. This implies they are too good to do the job themselves or their time is way too valuable. This is pretentious. It also costs a fortune in after-tax dollars.

Do as much of your own housework as possible. It’s good exercise. It saves money. Gardening is a favorite pastime of the British upper class and most other Britons who live in the countryside.

7. Thou shalt not try to compete with everyone

You buy expensive Scotch to serve the Scotch snob. You think about trading up to an expensive sports car, so you have something in common with the car snob. You start buying art to compete with the art snob. You can do one thing very well or several things poorly. You will also go broke.

Pick the one interest that’s your passion. Dive in and become an expert. Maybe you are a home chef. Perhaps wine is your thing. Others will defer to your knowledge.

8. Thou shalt not let thy person, home or property look bad

When money is tight, people and businesses often defer maintenance or capital improvements. The flower beds get overgrown. The paint is peeling. Your car is dirty. People make judgments about this stuff. Word spreads quickly.

Always dress well, even when grocery shopping. Get out and do home and garden upkeep yourself if necessary. Your home and car are your personal business card, advertising your prosperity. They should look well maintained.

9. Thou shalt not neglect community involvement

Many great industrialists in American history were also philanthropists. They gave back. Get involved in worthwhile community organizations as a worker bee. This earns respect among the movers and shakers. It provides access to higher social circles.

Giving back as a volunteer is often done on a level playing field with minimal cash outlay. You get plenty of positive visibility.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s stuff

It’s easy to want someone else’s lifestyle. That’s the concept behind celebrity product endorsements. You may not have their house in Malibu, but you can wear the same watch. What you don’t know is the range of problems and issues they face in their own lives. These friends might look at you, a successful business owner or professional, and wish they could trade places.

Have a plan. Perhaps it’s a bucket list. Take the long view. You have certain things you want to accomplish. This can be done on your timetable, not theirs.

Let’s add an “Eleventh Commandment”.

11. Thou shalt be nice to others

Treat everyone you meet, from the checkout person at the supermarket to the mayor, as equals. Remember names. Take the time to have sincere conversations, providing you are not taking them away from their jobs. Remember details about their lives. Smile.

Word will get around that you are gracious. This confirms you are secure in who you are. This is an admirable trait.

What happens when you follow these rules? You are seen as a successful business person or professional who always dresses well. You are nice to others and treat them as equals. You are an expert in areas of your own choosing. You give back to your community. You are a leader. Now people want to be more like you instead of vice versa.