From: http://www.bizjournals.com/

Isn’t technology wonderful?

Smartphone apps like Tinder and Hinge allows singles to live chat with others at the same party. If you have enough in common the next step is to walk over and meet them.

This might work if you are a shy 17-year-old. If you are a 20-something entrepreneur and see a local influencer at a cocktail reception, you need to put away the phone and make the approach yourself.

Before you start

Wait! Don’t walk over, slap him on the back and say ‘How are ya!” just yet.

FYI: I did this to what I thought was my new brother-in-law at our wedding reception. When the person turned around, I realized it was not by brother-in-law I just slapped. It was a somewhat bewildered-looking lawyer.

Take time to observe behavior. Some people are in the mood. You can see they are having a great time. Others are just in the room, attending because their spouse insisted or it’s a community event and their firm has a distant connection.

Here’s another clue: People who form and rejoin groups, laugh and chat for a few minutes, then reform with others are dynamic. You can easily join in.

Four people huddled in a quiet corner with papers strewn about have brought their business meeting to the party. They might be lawyers discussing a case. They don’t want to be interrupted.

Three approaches

Social and business networking is a lot like dating. Desperate people don’t get dates. People who try too hard signal there’s something wrong. You need a smooth way to make the connection.

Strategy One: The introduction

Scan the room. You know other guests. Which one also knows the person you want to meet? Ask them for an introduction. They will likely agree immediately because you’ve asked for a social introduction, not a business referral.

• Example:“Donald, I don’t know if you’ve ever met Ted. You both share a lot of the same interests. Ted enjoys foreign travel, he’s a restaurant fan and a wine buff. You will probably have plenty to talk about.”

Strategy Two: Shared acquaintances

Oops. No one’s here to make that introduction.

That’s not a problem. Use their name in abstentia. They are a shared friendship. Once you bring up the point, they will ask the person’s name, then remark they know them too. You will each ask the other how you know the other person.

• Example:‘Hillary, my name is Bernie. We don’t know each other, but I believe we have a friend in common…”

Strategy Three: Compliment

Now we are in the real world. You don’t travel in the same circles as the influencer. There’s no common connection.

Time to deploy the compliment. This might be thanking them for sponsoring the exhibition you are attending. You noticed they have an interesting lapel pin implying they belong to another organization. They have a great watch. It’s very, very difficult to be offended by a compliment.

• Example:“Mario, you don’t know me, but my name is Jeb. I just wanted to take a moment to thank you for sponsoring this exhibition of paintings by the French Impressionists. How did you get interested in Impressionist art?”

Looking over these three examples, you might stop and say: “This sounds so contrived. It would never work.”

Wrong. Let’s go back to the dating example. Everyone knows exactly what everyone else is doing. Each knows what the other person seeks as the outcome. There’s a ritual people follow as they try and achieve their objective.

What do you talk about?

You’ve got the conversation started. This person is popular, so you only have a few minutes before others join the group. Let’s get back to dating one more time.

You are single and enter an empty bar. Seated at the bar is the most stunning person you have ever seen. You take the adjacent seat. You know the room will be filled in five minutes and this is your only chance to talk. What do you talk about?

In a dating scenario, we often make the wrong choice. We talk about ourselves, implying they are extremely lucky to have met us. These are pickup lines. Bad move.

The smart move would be getting them to talk about themselves. This provides the opportunity to identify interests in common. These shared interests lay the groundwork for getting together in the future to pursue one of these shared interests.

In sales situations we often think the short period of time we finally get with a big prospect is our only chance to make a sale. We talk about what we can do for them without giving them the opportunity to explain to us what they need. They turn off really quickly. Getting them talking gives us the opportunity to listen.

In social situations, it can be easy to meet the people you want to meet if you are prepared to make the first move.