How to battle societal disconnects

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The most important “personal leadership” issues that are out of control are today’s societal behaviors.

For example:

The cell phones have arrived

In the late 1980s, I was on a business trip out of state. As I returned my rental car and boarded the shuttle to my airline terminal, I looked around the bus. There were five men talking on their cell phones. (There were no smart phones. You actually only used the phone to talk. How boring was that?)

I felt “different” at that moment. I was the only one without a phone. In today’s world, if you don’t have a cell phone, you can also feel “different.” Ugh again!

Phone conversations are not as warm and fuzzy as a face-to-face conversation can be. Yes, the ability to have instant access to someone can be a helpful convenience. And that convenience has more and more of us using the phone.

The risk of this practice is it reduces our ability to experience the intimacy of a personal contact. Instead, we now have this electronic, somewhat impersonal, approach to a conversation. Space becomes our barrier to greater conversational intimacy.

The electronic isolation

While I was conducting a speaking engagement with a client in Florida, I stayed at a Marriott Hotel. There was also a youth conference there.

As I walked through the lobby, I saw 25 (I counted them) teenagers gathered together. The lobby of the Marriott was the only place with free internet, prompting this gathering.

But the atmosphere was strange and silent. No one was speaking to anyone. Each person was in their own electronic world. All 25 were on their iPads, computers or engaged in video games. It was personal miscommunication at its worse.

I don’t wish to be a prude. But really? 25 teenagers gather together and not a sound emanates from the group? Scary stuff.

Communication in a face-to-face mode is going away. It’s a serious societal dilemma. Texting, social media and electronic games have created an impersonal approach to conversation. Last week at a coffee house, I observed a husband and wife both on their phones. Their son was either listening to music or playing a game on an electronic device. There was little conversation between them.

When I was training in Kentucky, I went to a local restaurant for dinner. There was someone at a nearby table either texting or surfing the net. They ordered their meal without ever looking at the waitress. Impolite is too kind of a word for such behavior.

The unfortunate fact is those examples are more normal than abnormal. The growing impersonal nature of human interaction is not a good thing. It can lead to a callous and detached manner of dealing with people. Little emotion involved. Now on the lighter side, my two sons and a son-in-law are all physical therapists. I’ve predicted that their business will rise when thumbs wear out from texting. So there is a silver lining behind every cloud.

The danger behind the wheel

On a most serious vein, the epidemic of people texting while driving is out-of-control. This is criminal in the sense you can kill yourself or someone else. It happens every day. Within a one hour period, I observed three different individuals texting and driving. I also counted four individuals texting while waiting for a traffic light to change. When horns honk, the car speeds away like an Indianapolis 500 driver. Sorry, this doesn’t excuse the inconsideration of the incident.

A list of distractions

Another hazard is using the telephone while driving. It’s not as dangerous as texting, but it can have a downside. When we are on the phone, we become oblivious of our surroundings. (Sorry, we cannot multi-task). Often, we don’t even remember anything about the route we were taking while we talked on the phone. And many times, people using their phone drive slower.

My favorite “phone” moment is when I drive on a four-lane highway. A phone talker is in the left lane driving 40 in a 60-mile speed limit. This creates traffic bottlenecks and irritates other drivers.

None of this makes driving safer. It’s impolite, irresponsible and immature behavior.

Here is a list of other distractions I found on Distraction.Gov. They include: Eating and drinking. Talking to passengers. Grooming. Reading, including maps. Using a navigation system. Watching a video. Adjusting a radio, CD player, or MP3 player. Brushing their teeth or changing clothes. Now add the things you do that are not listed, and stop all of them today!

Five seconds is the average time your eyes are off the road while texting. When traveling at 55mph, that’s enough time to cover the length of a football field blindfolded.

What can we do?

Here are some ideas for you to digest. Use self-discipline to avoid texting, sending or reading emails. Another obvious avoidance is surfing the internet while driving. Keep your eyes on the road and your focus on driving conditions. Don’t even tempt yourself to do any of these activities when stopped at a traffic light.

Yeah, I know. This is your “catch up” time. No insult intended. But few of us are in so much demand that we must instantly respond to these disruptions. When we are behind the wheel of our car, only drive it. The trend to do otherwise is disturbing! The unneeded deaths — chilling!

If you insist on doing any of the above activities while in your car, pull over. Park in a safe spot and text, email, surf or talk to your heart’s delight. You might save a life, and it could be your own.

One last point. When in face-to-face meetings, put that phone down. I was consulting with someone that wants to become a professional speaker. I covered some important information to help him get started. Instead of listening, he was texting on his phone. Professional? I don’t think so.

I asked him to stop. Even though he was paying for the session, I’m not willing to put up with this behavior. If you are in the company of a friend, it’s impolite for either of you behaving this way. Stop! Face each other and talk. You may both experience a refreshing moment.

Please don’t confuse my attempt to “teach” with “preaching.” This is an important teachable moment that might save your life and the life of someone you love. And, for me, this would be a priceless reaction to the message. But, if you insist on calling me a preacher, go ahead.

We achieve the critical components of our life with personal leadership skills. That means we use lots of self-discipline to get things done. Why not use these skills to remove the impersonal nature of today’s society? Why not use these skills to make your life more powerful and successful?

If you agree, please pass the message on to help stifle this electronic epidemic.