From: http://www.bizjournals.com/

A friend of mine recently posted a story about a client who, after buying his product online, decided it wasn’t for him and wanted his money back.

While this isn’t a totally uncommon experience in a world of buyers and sellers, what made this situation different is that my friend didn’t even know that there was a problem until PayPal informed him that a complaint had been lodged against him.

That’s right. Instead of simply contacting my friend directly and explaining that he had changed his mind, the buyer instead took a passive-aggressive stance and stealth-attacked him. While my friend was only too happy to offer a full refund, he was also disheartened that his attempts to reach the buyer directly to find what he could have done to make matters better went unanswered.

One of the toughest challenges that any business faces is making sure that their prospects and customers remain happy and engaged. Unfortunately, this is often easier said than done, due to the wide spectrum of human personality types we deal with. Loosely translated, some people lack the emotional maturity to play well with others.

In my professional life, I have seen fully grown human beings burst into tears because they weren’t invited to a meeting they thought they should have been invited to. I’ve watched people with well-paying jobs throw temper tantrums when they couldn’t get what they wanted. I’ve seen people make everybody around them miserable through bullying and back-stabbing.

On the other hand, I’ve been in plenty of situations where people worked well together, even if they don’t get exactly what they want, to come to an agreeable solution to a problem. I’ve seen people listen to the opposing side of a discussion and use fresh insights to help them drive their decisions. I’ve seen people clearly communicate what they want or hope to accomplish as part of their strategy.

There’s nothing weak or wimpy about trying to find a polite and peaceful resolution to a problem. On the contrary, back-stabbing, passive aggressive and bullying behaviors often denote deep insecurities and fear. While they may get attention, these approaches are rarely successful in the long term.

During my career I have identified several strategies that I use to help me be a better boss, employer, or manager. They help me to resolve conflicts quickly and to everybody’s satisfaction. And they can help you be a better leader, a more agreeable manager and a person who gets results through cooperation with others.

Don’t Be A Jerk

Always take the high road. There have been plenty of times during my professional and personal life when I’ve had to deal with people I didn’t like. that’s part of life. However, I have the power to choose how I treat other people (even miserable ones), and I always choose an approach that is respectful and focuses on problem solving, not on escalating tensions. You’re not always going to fix a conflict unilaterally, but by taking the high road you can establish a position of strength, create a way to allow others to feel less defensive and home in on the problem that needs to be solved.

Address Conflicts Directly and as Early as Possible

A small flame can become a raging fire over time. Situations, especially in customer support, where a prospect, client, coworker or other person may have felt wronged, slighted, disrespected or didn’t have their world view match up with reality, can get out of hand quickly without effective intervention. In most cases, this requires being able to first listen to a problem so that it can be resolved.

By creating a corporate channels and strategies that give voice to customers, prospects and staff who may have a problem, any business can quickly get those problems resolved. Also, studies show that customers who have problems resolved quickly and to their satisfaction often become some of the biggest advocates for the brand or company that helped them.

Clearly Communicate What You Expect From Others

While it may sound obvious, you can’t get what you want if you keep it a secret. Nobody, from managers who need to drive staff progress and results to marketers who need to reach ROI, should have to guess at what the endgame looks like. Clearly defining and communicating what the conclusion of an event, selling cycle, marketing plan, or other task should look like up front allows all participants to have a clear picture of their roles and responsibilities.

Forgive People Quickly

While I’m just as human as the next guy and I don’t always face conflict with sublime grace, I also realized years ago that holding onto anger, resentment and dislike of other people is a huge waste of my emotional bandwidth.

It’s often been said that “Ships don’t sink because of the water around them, but because of the water that gets in them.”

If somebody has wronged you, hurt your feelings, betrayed you or treated you poorly, they don’t deserve to rent space in your head. Accept their poor behavior, add the unfortunate experience to your world view and take a deep breath. Hating isn’t going to resolve any problems and will just make you unhappy. So unhate, forgive and move on.

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